Glamour Tram Cast

Glamour Tram character list…


Donnie… Through his eyes the story is told. Fit, trim and handsome. The Beach Boy. He uses the studio as a tool for backstage access and the perks that roll with it. This job is a perfect complement to his movie studio addiction and drug addiction that started back in the late 1960’s at MGM.

IRIS… Lead dispatcher. Frail, clammy, never-been-outside look. Son of a Jewish lawyer. He is in charge of this misfit cast of drivers. He can drastically affect your world. If he likes you, you will be rewarded. Opposite is true if he does not. The most hated man on the hill.

JOHNNY… A yes man for IRIS. Constant lame smile always on his face. These two split a quarter million dollars a year, rumor has it. They live in the dispatch office overlooking the Glamour Tram boarding area. Just like an air traffic control in a tower.

VIKTOR… The Russian mafia chain smoker. In between tram tours he chain smokes and mumbles about how he is going to kill Iris. Scraggly beard, hair unkept. Thick Russian accent.

HOMO… Very handsome Robert Redford double. A veteran I looked up to as I arrived into this profession. Why not…he has fucked generations of tour guides here at Worldwide studios.

DON Hollywood… Donnie’s double, often confused for one another. Nicknamed Hollywood Don.. Not to be confused with Beach Boy Donnie, the main character. He can double for Donnie in a hot flash.

TRICIA… sex slave, temptress, female Teamster. Fit, trim, pretty. Armed with a class 1 license and a college degree to boot. She shows up wearing boots often.

MAZE… muscular character who loves to play cards rather than tour. Some poker games are legendary. Loaded trams often must wait for the game to to conclude before the driver boards the power unit. This disturbs Iris tremendously. These trams only make money when they’re moving people around.

KYLE…Another gay male chain smoker that gets treated well by Iris. Heavy set, beat up from cocaine addiction. Walks with a limp. Constantly sucking up his nose as you speak to him. Like a bad habit One of the only drivers to like Iris. For his reward, he only drives brand new, plush, air conditioned, vehicles with all the bells and whistles. Lucky me….he likes me.

RON & RITA… A married couple that work and carpool and live together. Nice normal folks.

ROBERT… An Eric Estrada look-a-like. Proud Mexican. Big shoulders and an even bigger……smile.

CHUCK… Drives for the music theater. Writes his own ticket, exempt from rules. Wears tank tops and flip flops mostly. Is exempt from Iris and answers only to music theater. He drives for the music bands themselves, and runs their errands and needs list. He himself is looked at as a rock star, Chuck is the MAN!

CLIFF… Gruff, gray and old and heavy set. Lines all over his face. Drove on shows for years, smokes heavy, likes an 8 hour day, for him it’s perfect as he usually leaves about 1 pm. Which is when we start getting very busy.

DENNIS… Old hippie, long unkept hair, shop steward. That means he is a liaison between drivers and management in any type of “tiff”, negotiation, or regulation violation. He also trains new Glamour tram drivers. He is superb at handling all these aspects.

ROSCOE… Skinny, tall Jewish fellow who often falls asleep in the tour animations and tram stops. Guides often need to wake him. Mind you, these animations can be ridiculously loud.

LINK… Afro- american in his mid-thirties. Rough customer. Jail time we affectionally call him. He hates us, the tourists, and the guides. Says he drove a school bus in Compton. Scary dude.

J J… Also afro-american, he doubles as BJ Baracus in the A-Team stunt show inside the theme park. When not driving a Glamour Tram, you may see him speed by in the A Team black and red van. Always smiling, and easily breaks into a big laugh.

VINCENT… A 300 pound ball of blubber. Short butch hair, stinks of sweat, always. She is short and may be a lesbian but who cares.You do not want to follow her in the driver’s seat. Food is usually all over the dash.

TILDA… Chain smoking, short hair, lesbian who matches Viktor in pure Iris hatred.

TED… Class mate, male centerfold for COSMO. He has got it all. Including a great sense of humor. He is also a SAG actor and is in many shows in small roles. Looks like HUEY LEWIS.

DICK… Class mate, elderly man, almost completely deaf. Vietnam veteran and helicopter door-gunner. Dislikes Asian tours tremendously.

BIG JOHN… Class mate, a good sized tattooed Latin American who speaks perfect English, yet looks like a cholo low-rider.

PROFESSOR JOHN… He reads endlessly. Ignoring everyone as he shrugs his nose up. His wife has a Master’s Degree and he wishes to be an intellectual Teamster. He and I get along and often chat for what seems like hours about world events.

CAPPY… Slim Jim look, Italiano. Shrewd entrepreneur, runs a gay-bar on Hollywood blvd. Drives a Ferrari. His dad is a big -time Teamster coordinator. He can pick his shows if he wishes. But he likes tours for the easy hours and proximity to his gay club/bar.

Big John, Prof John, Cappy, and Donnie form a partnership that brings this mixed bag of nuts into a special working agreement. They take over the parking lot shuttle trams to maximize their free time and fly under the radar!

Tour Guides… coming soon


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