Tag: travel

Telly’s Bar at the Hotel of the Stars.

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A Movie Star Getaway

Live, work, and play…

“I Drink Alone”…until the tour guides show up!

“I could go all night long”…

I LOVE TOUR GUIDES!

“Feeling Groovy” like the chic magnet he is…

I gotta line on you-“come up to my Penthouse sweetie pies, free Blow Pops for all Guides, the female ones that is!”

“That was the greatest tour I ever took, you’re so smart-Let’s go to my Limousine, it’s my vehicle baby, it can take you anywhere you wanna go, you’re gonna be a star!” says the part owner of the Sheraton Hotel.

Another night, another Limousine party …

1973-1978 A very big star with even bigger stories…

Hop-On pretty little tour guide-let’s visit the Spinning-Ice Tunnel of Love.

Telly was often behind the wheel of a stretch Limo, parked on a private road alongside the Hollywood Freeway-under the shadow of his hotel.

My Golf Cart, my Rolls Royce, my Limo, my Winnebago. And I live on the studio lot…Teamsters drive me around when I’m entertaining!

Mannix wishes…He was Me!

After Work- Bonding Time

Guides often spin stories about after hour antics that take place at Telly’s Bar located inside The Universal Sheraton Hotel. It’s as if Telly touched every guide in one way or another. His kindness and generosity often meant…Drinks are on the house, if you’re pretty and perform well with a microphone. This man can launch you career, or ruin it before it starts.

Tram Drivers often pick up our “twisted sisters” tour guides since we provide transportation for the inebriated hotel guests that jump into the first vehicle that pulls up to the fountain out front of this star studded hotel. I often am handed this job by tour dispatch.

The Hotel Shuttle Ride

My duties include safely containing and transporting passengers that sample our restaurants which are Fung Lums, Victoria Station, and Womphoppers.

Fung Lum’s, offers high end Chinese delicacies, along with beautiful Chinese tourists, pictured left-on the right is a Western Setting American menu that competes with Telly’s for customers. Telly’s Bar offers free drinks to potential Kojak fans while Womphopper’s offers mechanical bull rides. Guides can’t get enough of riding …Trams, Bulls, Limo’s -A ride is a ride.

Victoria Station is the restaurant closest to the tour ticket booths, my shuttle stops under a 50 ft.flag pole where guests throw their loose change in a fountain that adds up to about 30 dollars in coins and is drained of change daily. Tourists can’t wait to shell out money, and willingly we accept all currency.

Affectionately called The Clown Wagon, my open air hotel shuttle gets pretty cold in the winter, but most guest warm up with what seems like a hilltop of never-ending alcohol choices. It’s my job to safely bring you from one to another, one to another and one to another. I watch women get shit faced, one bar after another, and the stories get more risqué as they warm up behind me and and alongside. Often, they just want company, being travelers and are here for one reason for movie fun.

I look like I stepped out of the Smokey and the Bandit hit feature film, that is a film Universal Studios can’t promote enough, studio operations has a thing for Burt Reynolds. I wear a silver jacket with Universal Studios on the sleeves, like a cartoon character. I’m often propositioned by groupies wanting access to the Universal Amphitheater on show nights.

Like being the only “Straight guy” at Woodstock…

But I’m a red blooded American and some things are too good to pass on. Yes, I have shuttled girls inside the studio and after doing a brief private tour, I deposit them at the Artist Entrance at the Red Carpet behind the Amphitheater- never to be seen again.

But when opportunity exists and I’m a free bird, on the Clown Wagon, I basically own this mobile soap opera. One night just before I was closing the shuttle down for the night, The Sheraton was my last stop. Now being an empty wagon, I race my tram car down a private road usually reserved for smelly old diesel busses that lower already poor air quality with their never ending soot. That’s why we moved them as far away as possible as they sit idling all day.

BUT WAIT… as I glance around this vacated area one car stands out…it;s a limousine, and Telly Savalas is behind the steering wheel, parked with the driver side window down. He ignores my Clown Wagon and does a line of cocaine as I look in disbelieve. I pull along side his Limo in my Clown wagon. We make eye contact as I pull the” JAKE Brake.” Air locks up the brakes as I exit the driver seat. Telly recognizes me since after work I’m often seen with tour guides of which he has a hankering for.

I walk up saying “Hey Maggott” referring to his Dirty Dozen character. He chops a huge line and offers me the straw. I graciously accept-since I’m done hauling guests around. My nose feels the burn, as I’m asked “Where’s all your little Tour Guide friends?” Wanting an answer, he prepares another nose load. “You know a couple are strippers that double dip, since their job pays minimum wage.” Studio tours by day, burlesque shows into the wee hours.

“You know the guide Candy Cane she is a multitasker, I think she would enjoy a cocaine Blow Pop. Call it a speed bubble, “she barely conforms to rules here”…as I do another huge line. I’m feeling all right as I look at my tram parked in the middle of the road, starting a turn, with the yellow rotating safety light on the roof top looking like a Bat Signal.

I have been down this road a million times but never quite like this evening.

“Hey Telly, thanks, I gotta go park this thing, but- I’ll let Candy know Kojak was looking for her. I’ll come visit you, I’m here all the time and will give you a list of who’s naughty and who’s not. Berlin Busty is a tour guide actress you must meet. A shining, sexy German Tour Guide and actress on “Magnum P.I.”

I leave him with that caveat-as I give a farewell salute, and take off alongside the Hollywood Freeway inside….A Glamour Tram.

Written and lived by….Donnie Norden

Billy Idol Tour

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A Rock and Roll- Glamour Trammer

A huge fan of all things “Psycho”

In the Midnight Hour, I cry more, more ,more…

Madonna is a regular at Worldwide Studios, as is Billy. Whether it be at our famous music theater, Or just be banging around with Dick Tracy … better known as Warren Beatty.

He’s so vain, he probably thinks this story is about him…

Billy getting primed up with Demi Moore. Relax and get ripped…I’ll do the driving.

Mr. William Michael Albert Broad, otherwise known as Billy Idol and the Boys in the Band are on tour today.

Our tour journey begins at Tram Dispatch. Another day, another celebrity trolley tour. Tour dispatch sends out one their coolest guides… Stienbeck. He’s short and stocky and has a wit about him. He can feel the vibe of the tribe that presents itself to us. We always have fun together on trams. This trolley is like a very cozy get together that holds 16 folks max. Today, we have a big band in this…small club.

Last night, Steiner, as we affectionately call him, hit a homer. Not at Telly’s Bar, but at a softball field across from the studio. He is the captain of the tour guide baseball team. The team is predominantly female, male guides hardly join in. This is the studio tour’s version of…The Bad New Bears.

In a surprisingly close game against an all male Teamster line up, drivers prevailed 17 to 6. I never played with so many girls on a diamond. I shined in the outfield, making several great catches and throws. I’m very mobile, and am not afraid to get dirty-leaving an impression on the girls-I tour with. They know a stud when they see one just like I know a beautiful woman when I bang into her. They even smell different than guys as the scent of antiperspirant mixes with the perfume of the day.

The guys, well, they smell like booze. I get more hugs in this park than I do at our job across the street. Remember this, there is no “I” in team. These guides give it up…to the victors. Especially the non- married players. “I don’t feel married.”

Steiner and I arrive at the trolley at the same time from opposite corners. We were not told who our customers are. We sit waiting on the trolley parked in front of Miami Vice. I compliment him on his long ball last night, he packs quite a wallop. All involved last night lack sleep since the game started after 9 pm.

He jokes “to bad Crockett and Tubbs can’t fix us up with a bump!”

Everybody at this tour kinda parties hard, even our guests…showbiz in the 80’s

We have to do this one on muscle memory all though there is a driver named Kyle that delivers. He has a kush Stand -By Van assignment shuttling employees. You get in this luxurious Dodge Van in the morning. The van then ushers you off to wardrobe or one of many departments. Pick me ups are offered as soon as the sliding door on the van shuts. This van is like a mobile expresso machine.

Some employees never want to exit and drag this part of their day as long as possible.

A group of 6 wildly dressed Rock Stars head our way. Instantly, we recognize a white haired phenom …it’s Billy Idol and the boys in the band. We have seen them act at our music theater, today we take center stage. They are the opening band-Steiner and I close the show.

Jewelry like you would see in some monster movie dangles from every part of their body. They jingle and jangle as we introduce ourselves. “Do you got any specific places you wish to go” I ask? At the same time Steiner asks “Have you been on this tour before?”

Billy replies “The studio lot, yes. But the trams- No.” I counter, “Well, buckle up because we are going for a thrill ride!” The members start looking for their seat belts. I point out “it’s just an expression, there are no seat belts!” I shift into drive. We pull away from Miami Vice like we just got “bumped” with laughter.

As we pass behind the music theater a band is loading in. Trailers with lighting equipment are parked behind the huge load- in doors. Two very high end tour busses are parked side by side close by the red carpet of the artist entrance. “Been there, done that say our lead singer.” Steely Dan is here tonight” points out the power hitting tour guide Steiner.

I cough up “Bet you haven’t been inside a spaceship.” I pause. “Actually, maybe you have” as we get blasted in the face by liquid nitrogen.

This is the way we wake up…

This tour is private, like a Lear Jet, no stopping for the Lucille Ball make up demonstration. These guys know makeup better than Bud Westmore.

Is that you Billy?

We continue into the Art Gallery from Night Gallery. I figure they would like this place as we park inside this Art Exhibit.

Doesn’t get any darker than this tour…

I never thought I would view Rod’s Gallery with Rock Stars. They fit hand in hand with this display.

Where does the Art End and the Tour Start ???

So much cool stuff inside our property department. Gargoyles, Guillotines, and Sarcophagus eagerly try to trap you inside but, there is much more to- haunt your desires. We have only just begun to live!

As we continue on, we pass by Alfred Hitchcock’s famous bungalows in our produces offices area. These are old school Hollywood Bungalows. Ghosts live on this lot. They go back and forth to the exterior sets from their tiny but efficient writers offices. I tease the band. I say to everyone that we have the set from The Birds. We also have a spooky house on a hill, I’ll take you inside…From Psycho.

Steven Spielberg built Amblin down the road here and it is fit for a King. It has everything you could want to be creative. Nicest executive office on our lot, by far.

The thud you just heard was the Collapsing Bridge throwing around our little trolley. It was designed for big trams. I know how to time it just right to maximize the drop effect. If done correctly, the thud knocks the air out of your stomach, long enough to laugh after shrieking…

These guys picked the right tour for scary things…Kong is next up…

Our newest attraction is another monster to some, A Giant Ape to others or simply a Gentle Giant

As we go inside we offer up a truism, this is Michael Jackson’s favorite animation on the lot. Inside Kelly King is reporting from a helicopter, she shouts “Don’t Go Over that Confounded Bridge.” Too late now Kelly. With more liquid nitrogen pumped into our faces to disguise what’s next. I’m on that bridge Kelly was warning us about.

“Bridge looks fine to me Kelly, I’ve seen worse, we were just on a collapsing bridge.” What’s with these rides…

I feel like a Banana Split. Banana scent was added to Kong’s Growl. He breathes on you as he stares. Then he begins roughing us up. The Boys in the band love it so we do this 3 more times…A KONG ENCORE!

Such a fun animation, the best one in the park. We pass through the Red Sea, ending up in Transylvania. I park as we all set foot on Cobblestone roadways. Billy wants to piss so I direct them to a hidden bathroom. Hard to find because it is inside. Can you imagine standing up, taking a leak alongside a rock band that dress up like our Monsters do. “Hey, I think I know you” says a backlot “grip.” I sing a little and party a lot …

The fountain with four Flying Lions greets us in The Court of Miracles. This is one of our oldest props at the studio, every monster has spent time here, from Lugosi to Karloff.

From here we head through the old west and survive the Run Away Train. An interactive Train that is automated. I replaced the engineer in my trespassing days and acted out the “I can’t stop lip sync effect. I practiced acting in front of a never ending mobile stage. If security shows up I just play like a dummy. No talk no movement…I saw that once on Lucy.

Funnest trespass ever -Pretending I’m the engineer “I can’t Stop.” I can’t stop laughing that is.

Bridges seem dangerous on this tour but this dock has been here forever under several alias’s. Singapore Lake on original maps. PT 73 use to be anchored here. Then a shark moved in when Jaws blew doors off the box offices. But wait Cabot Cove Maine has annexed this Marina since Murder She Wrote is our number one series as we know “Get Attacked”

Four failed attempts by a man eating shark that depends on skilled mechanics to stay alive. Like an amphibious vehicle creature. High maintenance and temperamental, like so many other Hollywood Stars.

1313 Mockingbird Lane

Across from The Beavers House is a really nice family called The Munster House. Yes, we can go inside. I open the door slowly. This is just in case “Thing” is waiting under the interior stairs…The bang explores and looks out each window. Steiner says to me, “I hope no-one falls.” He points upstairs as the band gets dirty. I mean real dirt on their leather garments. “Well we warned them Steiner” They are on Marilyn’s scent, her long lost cousins. Eddie is in rehab I hear, good luck Little Munster fella.

Monster Mojo -Full Steam Ahead

We go up the hill slowly. Steiner builds up the story. He points out the original location at the base of the hill. “We moved it away from this area. The identity is hard to conceal. Shows prefer it not to be so recognizable.”

At this moment the house slowly comes into view, with the Bates Motel as our off ramp. Standing on the edge of the trolley, we stop to...lets the dogs loose. Rock Stars going every direction before we reunite at the Bates Motel Check In office. We walk up the famous stairway from the Motel to a home like no-other. Excitement like no other tour I’ve done. This is the featured song on our studio session album so to speak. The band has jewelry for every part of their body. I mean cool stuff, scorpions, spiders, snakes and skeletons. They are dressed for a show and Steiner and I our the vocals…Billy busy in a trance.

Probably writing a song in his head, he is the most quiet.

In the Midnight Hour I cry…More More More!

Well my friends before we enter, fact is-this place is haunted. By many creatures-she living some dead. Music is made by bull frogs, owls, coyotes, crickets, it’s a harmony in the dark under a full moon. Night tours are funner than daylight, you know where to find us. “Welcome to my home” as I enter first.

Inside, Outside, Upside Down is what is going on-The Band takes a picture with mother. She’s a rocker too as we kick start her rocking chair. This could be an album cover-it should be.

As we leave the residence, pure exuberance prevails. I see what gets these guys off, what they wear, what they prefer, the music they make. “Lets buy this place Billy!” is chanted as our tour comes to a conclusion after a confusing Ice Tunnel experience. Their heads were spinning at the Hitchcock House. Now they are spinning in the opposite direction. They are ready to be dropped off at a theater or haunted house near you. This all happened on the good old Glamour Tram Tour. “We’re Bad, We’re Nation Wide…see you on the next tour!”

All aboard!

Check out Phantom of the Backlots on WordPress and You Tube. More” trailers” coming soon on YT.

Stories written and lived by…Donnie Norden

The Bold and The Beautiful

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Enough with the cuteness already…

Before Stardom…This man would be found on- Glamour Trams

A papier mache statue exists of this male figure-Jack Wagner- in the Tour Guide Breakroom. First A.D turned Director, Katy Garretson discusses this “tour seat icon extraordinaire.” She mentions that this is the example of hitting it big, she raves about him. Senior guides kiss the vinyl seat he gave tours on. A legend -like our founder, Lew Wasserman.

These two guides exemplify courage behind the microphone. Katy is in the process of punching her own Bingo card. She has just returned to us via location work in Japan. This woman has “SWAG.”

She is intelligent and possesses a sharp wit. She is a take charge alpha dog. She follows some rules. However, she is not afraid to let her hair down and go “Off Script.” She was a guide before I took the steering wheel. She shares special wisdom about the “bag of nuts” that run our Studio Tour Operations.

Katy is winding down her tram career for an even more prestigious Quantum Leap into showbiz.

And I wish to thank The Glamour Tram for my inspiration in becoming the Director I am today!

Careers our launched in 100 degree summer days on board these star making contraptions. Endless expressions look her way, like she is in a play. Instant feedback, no editing here…we’re live, we’re bad, we’re Nation Wide.

These Trams are large because.…we have big egos.

We all want to be somewhere else, I suppose. Not me, I used to sneak on these trams long before I was hired. Guides become frustrated due to low pay and because- promises promises promises – don’t pay the rent. I can’t get enough of this place where pretty faces come and go. The Guide Breakroom is a struggling actor workshop in between tours. Guides call their agents for updates or call times as an extra…somewhere.

The Drivers discuss putting in a dance pole for our ‘Clubber Guides” that have night jobs. We will put it in our smoke filled, male oriented break room, for club ambiance training. Teamsters are good at this.

Jack Wagner, Jack Wagner, Jack Wagner

I have no idea who this guy is- he left right before I arrived. I never watched soap operas, like what guy does. But, he is Tram Gospel in this sacred landscape of -Sharks, Monsters and Aliens . Drivers match and raise you…we got our own stud -Ted. Ted was a Cosmopolitan centerfold. He hired in with me as we learned how to operate these Glamour Trams. together. Ted works on Airwolf, my favorite show on the lot, as an actor, and sometimes a driver. We all grab shows when the tour count falls low in the off season. Free agents until tourism blooms again. This when many guides disappear, never to return.

I document our training in early installments of Glamour Tram if you need a refresher course.

Ted is a ringer, male model, actor and a pastor. He has more scruples than anyone on this hilltop. Just ask Helen Gurly Brown. To top that off, B.G is a producer at Imagine Pictures- is his relative. Ted has a list of TV credits and has achieved everything all tour guides want to be. I’m proud to have Ted as a friend.

We love Ted -Who doesn’t!…Who is Jack Wagner?

Legendary tour guide -that’s who!

Bigger than any Emmy Award he is nominated for- his tours are legendary. His legacy is cemented here in Tram Folklore.His hand prints are proudly displayed in cement at Prop Plaza. Jack it turns out- is the role model and inspiration for every guide that that sits in that ‘backwards chair.”

I don’t know him but I do now. His picture should be on the running board of advertisements that look down on customers to start subliminal overt brainwashing. You exit these trams with an urge to buy something if we did our jobs correctly. So much more to be had…for a small fee.

You don’t have to venture far around here to find a star. Right outside our front door is a turnstile of stars coming and going. You might not recognize them-yet, which means they probably are not receiving residual checks either. But someday, just like Jack Wagner -unknowingly your number may be called. Discovery can happen anywhere.

Guides pick up their game when spotting producer types on the route. A burst of energy ensues suddenly. It’s like a-whats wrong with her moment.Then you see why, oh this is my moment to be discovered. They try. They try so hard. However, they are up against it. It’s like a wheel chock holding a tram tire in place. I’m stuck here forever speed as optimism turns back into doubt. Some just want to become DRIVERS…

Stardom isn’t promised here, it must be achieved. We salute and value the efforts all employees put forth. Advancement does exist. Gate Poppers and Orange Cone patrol often advance to Operations. What that does is put you on salary. Sounds great, until you work 12 hours a day with no overtime, because you excepted salary. It’s a ploy to save overtime pay. Drivers costs are the most extreme bill this tour faces. Teamster Mechanics are the true stars stars here. When we get stuck in high water at the Red Sea, we call The Garage. If we fail to make it up a hill, The Garage is also who we call on our C.B Radios.

“Wild Bill” and his boys gets us out of trouble one way or the other. Greasy with oil, these mechanics respond as if we are in the Indy 500. A truck with dual tires and a 4 wheel drive burns rubber as we connect bumbers. Tires creates thick gray smoke. Bill yells ‘step on it’ to the driver. He hangs out the cab waving his cowboy hat to his admiring fans. Tour Guides sing with appreciation no longer having to talk non stop.

Anyone can be a star around here on any given day…We are all- BOLD and BEAUTIFUl on the most famous tour in all the Universe-located right here in Hollywood U.S.A. “Action Jack-we are Rolling!”

Written and lived by ..,.Donnie Norden

Knight Rider is a Day Tripper

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Make sure we get David’s “Good Side“

Lets create some L.A Traffic

This guy has as much fun around here as me…

The STUD of the lot in the early 80s…I watched his career blossom alongside…The Glamour Tram

There is always more than one. In this series, cars get equal billing. But we only have” One David“

O.K we have two–who knew? And Six Kits Cars…

“Plug him in -see if he works- says Special Effects

The Ides of March

David Hasselhoff is like our studio’s version of Julius Caesar. The Kitt Car thinks it’s “the star,” and this car even talks. Come visit one of them, they are parked all over the lot. One talks to our tourists if you wait in a short line. Ask it anything about David when he’s not behind the wheel. This car and “The Hoff ” are tied to the leather seat upholstery by a seatbelt.

“The Vehicle” formerly named T.A.T.T. which translates to Trans Am Two Thousand. This high functioning picture car is based off a Pontiac Trans Am. WorldWide Studios made truckloads of money off a similar design the Burt Reynolds made famous on Smokey and the Bandit. My Tram Driver uniform jacket was designed after Burt’s jacket in that blockbuster hit. I pretend I’m Burt as I drive around the studio in my shiny silver jacket. It covers a red shirt that looks like an ice cream vendor would wear. Black Polyester pants that radiate in the hot valley sun complete my attire.

Burt is too big for T.V shows these days, so we hired this German Guy fresh off a daytime T.V series...Dr. Snapper was his characters name. The series, The Young and Restless, launched another career. A Glamour Tram tour guide was hired to star in this daytime soap opera. Blazing a trail for Day Tripper on Day Time T.V.

It’s Fun Being Burt…

This Trans Am car spinoff is a hit on N.B.C and Burt, A.K.A Sonny Hooper deserves car credits. Burt and David have things in common besides women hanging all over them, that would be…Trans Am Vehicles. These wonderful lyrics, written back in 1970 for my generation.

Ides of March- this classic tune written in 1970 is a perfect fit for this studio tour. We have vehicles of all shapes and sizes in our Transportation Department.

The Vehicle

Inside my tram is the voluptuous Berlin Busty. Of German Descent, she gives…Great Tours!.Now she is a specialty plate of all things “Deutsch.” An absolutely stunning model, extremely tanned and well endowed, she speaks fluid German. One of her “other jobs” is an interpreter for the German Consulate. Non of our other guides are diplomats, a few strip at local Hollywood Clubs at night, true Knight Riders…

This morning the two of us start a tour that is informative if you speak German. I read the lips and faces of both the guests. My gorgeous Fraulein is armed with a sharp tongue and a ten inch microphone. She answers questions in German, I imagine in English.

This morning as we drive into a bright sunrise, Knight Rider is on the backlot today. Our guests are eating Butterbrots and Wursts. I look German. Sylvester Stallone once offered me a part as a German Soldier on a film made on this lot. The film is titled Paradise Alley. This is a very Nordic Tour.

“Busty” told me on a previous tour while we were alone briefly about her career goals. “Break into the Hollywood Scene is all.” Just like every other guide who gets behind the microphone I think to myself. “The money here is so low, I wouldn’t get by without-side jobs.” What exactly are those side jobs” I blurt out as the empty tram heads back to tram dispatch?

“I do film work, just got back from Mexico on an adult film.” The rubber of my Glamour Tram tires grips the road tightly. We are climbing a hill in my 16 wheeler. My hands are gripping the steering wheel just as tightly. Berlin continues in perfect English-“I do a lot of work on Magnum P.I in Hawaii, Bikini background scenes on the beach mostly.” What a diverse resume as I drive as slow as this empty tram can go…

On today’s tour, I realize we are being stalked by a Trans Am. It’s David Hasselhoff, he often pulls up alongside trams in the Kitt Car. We are driving slowly down New York Street. The Knight Rider Base Camp is set up on the backside of this street. Michael Knight peruses the tram.

“Who’s the German Girl behind the microphone?”…asks the inquisitive KITT.

On my side of the tram is…Berlin Busty in a Bikini on a Bill board. Like a vulture swooping in, here comes Michael Knight.

Tram 8313 is now on K.I.T.T.’s radar, their is an interaction that is all things German. At each turn, it seems Michael speeds by. He only slows down to stare at 175 fanatics who are in the midst of a Glamour Tram Breakfast.

Ms. Busty seems to be a star favorite, Tom Selleck, grab your snorkel. David Hasselhoff shares your same interests…

My tour guide is a star, especially in Germany and Hawaii…watch out for Bruce the Shark!

Who wants to drive in that Ferrari anyways? say K.I.T.T.

I don’t speak German fluently. However, I interpret many languages. Our guides could double as Flight Attendants on any International Flights. I feel like a pilot for Lufthansa today.

As we wind down our specialty tour, I help guests unwind in our closing act, The Spinning Tunnel of Ice. Laughter and screams translate the same in every language. I just hope my guests can hold down their Sauerbraten as we conclude our guided tour. These folks started early because they have a plane to catch…Tschuss, Auf Wiedersehen, Lebe wohl, Mach’s gut, Ich Mus los and so on…

See You- Ms. Busty- On T.V, On Trams, and appearing somewhere “Knightly” near you!

Written and lived by….Donnie Norden

Glamour Tramming with The Pope-A Rock and Roll Tale

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No – This isn’t –The Rolling Stones, that’s not Mick Jager on stage or a British Invasion. This is the Vatican Invasion- starring Pope John Paul 11. On his World Tour, he visited us at our studio, Not to be confused with Led Zeppelin’s base guitarist.

This event stars Pope John Paul 11 and his “Miracle Tunes”…”I love you two, I hope you live forever!” says Pope John. So far so good on- that command…”Music truly does live FOREVER.”

Yes Kieth, this guitarist –Tony Melendez– stole the show. He has- no hands and arms. His cords are played with his toes…

Here is Kieth practicing away on Stage 12 at our studio while filming Pirates of the Caribbean. One of my favorite sets of –All Time!

Two “Complete UnKnowns”

1964 to now…Still a very popular Rolling Stone

Sixty Years of Glamour Tram Stories

“There are more Hazards at this studio/theme park than just choking“

Before Carl Laemmle, Sonny Werblin, and Lew Wasserman, God was in charge here…

God knows Talent Agents when he see’s them!

Sonny Werblin and Lew Wasserman- from the Pearly White Gates of God’s Kingdoms- to the…Black Tower.

Completed in 1964. Constructed of steel, black aluminum, glass and asbestos insulation. This is where scripts are read and careers are “made or broken.” No -Truer Words” This is also home of the H.R Department. This is the last stop saloon for ‘Work force Stars and Movie Stars!” We all exit the same gate. The Pope is coming with a heartfelt message for our hierarchy and all of Hollywood’s Money Trails.

Where Lankershim Blvd meets the 101 Freeway-Easy access. Have your money ready at Kiosk. Yes, our tour never stops running. Get a lifelong pass for cheap!-“Study the – Fine Print” written by lawyers with nothing better to do inside this Black Tower.

“Welcome- all Saintly One”- Two Knights meet a Saint. Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson “Spread Peace” on our lot prior to Pope John showing up with needed “Booster Shots”

Catholic Miracles exist…”Of Course we can fly!” That’s not why I’m here, Hollywood has been… Shameful”

“What Almighty has happened to this Hollywood?” asks the Pope…“Someone please answer me!” Please step up Sally…

“Please Stop Making Films Like this-Have You No Shame” is the Pope’s message. “I will burn your backlot down if need be!” a message from our Lord...Amen! Yes indeed -we had a massive fire soon after. The largest protest ever at this theme park took place on this release date.

God’s Wrath shut down the Tour this afternoon. I was there of course a bared witness to all seen and unseen as only a Catholic can do. A crowd bigger than Woodstock, hippies as far as you can see. A group of ‘Hell’s Angels” showed up on their “Steel Horses.” All entrances are blocked to access tour. God has interesting friends.

Sanctimoniously- we start our tale in the Teamster Driver Break-room. A typical poker game is taking place under a halo of thick cigarette smoke and burned out florescent lights. We can barely see the route map done in erasable ink through this tobacco haze. Normally, conversation involves hatred for Iris, our lead dispatcher, but most often it is about tour guides.

Guides looks, behavior, and abilities to give an interesting tour. Most drivers are male, some happily married, but most NOT!

This place is full of ...Temptations

We compare notes, each driver day dreams differently you see. We staff a few female drivers, some are lesbian, some swing, but all have- Class 1 Drivers Licenses. It seems as if our female drivers do not evaluate male tour guides as we do – the females. I think of it simply as quality control. Top drivers and Top Guides get V.I.P privileges.

The Flight Crew (Driver/Guide) becomes the stars in that category. Celebrities, dignitaries, rock stars, sports heroes, and mostly B and C rated actors or “has bins” are “our” captive audience. We give them the best tours we can, no rules on board our San Francisco trolley. Often, we get big tips.

Iris loves me, literally, my beach zip code and beach good looks spins him in circles on his stool. He always calls me to come over to his Tram Traffic Control Station, or TTCS as we know it. We often talk sports and tour guides. I’m sure he prefers the male guides while I lean opposite-“All Things Female.”

He lives vicariously through me, He puts in so many hours at this tour-he never feels the sun. We don’t think he even has a Class 1 license. One thing for sure-“He is the King.” Studio Operations love his feedback as he backstabs all the drivers that dislike him. He listens to Drivers Complain by secretly turning on the intercom. There is just a silent “HIM” on one end. There is pure dislike on the other end of this can and string.

He also uses this trick in our Unisex Locker room. I dress alongside Tricia, she’s pretty and has a college degree from Florida. She opens her locker only to hand me a Fredericks of Hollywood magazine. Tricia has a great day job here. Still, she leaves work for some “night shift “dressed to kill. If you are forced to watch a Teamster undress-there is none better at it than Tricia. We often flirt. It turns out he has heard some private conversations. He revealed his system. This happened after a friendly, private interaction. I was called into his office as I walked by in street clothes at the end of my shift.

Locker rooms were much different in the 80’s…Next door to us is the Dog Kennels fittingly!

He couldn’t stop laughing with his co-conspirator-Johnny. These two guys make about 250 k between them. They don’t even drive. Now they know The National Enquirer of cool tour stuff. In a short period of employment I have quickly climbed the ladder to-Tour Stardom. I am treated like a celebrity, thanks all to “the most hated office on the hilltop.”

Privilege never stops inside… Glamour Tram Dispatch

I am told about a top secret subject that I am being briefed on. The Pope, my Catholic Guru, is coming to the studio.

The Lord appeals to all!

Things are being figured out with the Union and Studio Operations. Our Shop Steward “Dennis” stands up for the Tram Driving Teamsters. The Vatican is interested in using one of our Glamour Trams as a parade route vehicle. The Pope is headed for iconic destinations in L.A. Dodger Stadium and the L.A Memorial Coliseum. His little Pope Mobile is too small for all the Secret Service.

“We would love to cram all this into just one vehicle- so the Secret Service is in same vehicle.” The Devil never stops planning so either do we!”

Now the question becomes- who can drive for this fleet of God Worshipers…

I’m Catholic and have Alter Boy Looks. If Dennis can put us at the wheel, another prayer of mine will be answered. Ira gives me the “Be Prepared” heads up. I will be thoroughly background checked, I’m warned. “I’ll show them my school pictures if they want to see a real good kid. I was kicked out of Catholic School for some good clean fun. “I hoisted a kid up a flagpole. His mom showed up as he was dangling high above the asphalt. I was just 12.” I left Catholic School with all the Sacraments achievable and a great education.

God has since forgiven me…He always does!

Teamster law is forthright and simple….like the 10 Commandments. Do not drive Studio Equipment, as per collective bargaining. This is required until authorized training of such vehicle is completed. The member must also be dues paying. So, A Clash of the Titans– between The Vatican and Studio Transportation is being smoothed out.

A deal is reached and Studio Teamsters are excluded. The Vatican does not want any of us near the Pope. “Go back to all your gambling, vices, lust, and large pay checks. We don’t want your Tour Guides either….”Amen- Yours Truly The Vatican.”

Only Dennis is involved. And that is for training the Operator who replaces are tram employees. Since this is “off lot” the Vatican dodges a Teamster Bullet. On the Studio lot- God was not physically there for these negations. But he had a hand in it for certain. I think I’m the only driver here that believes in God. That’s why I’m so happy all the time. The rest of the personnel sits complaining about everything under the stars.

Speaking of Stars

We lost this account, an act of God circumvented the Teamster 10 Commandments. But one thing is certain. Each day going onward will be filled with “Stars” from all over this galaxy and beyond. Always stay Holy, like the Hell’s Angels displayed in their protest, when in the company of …Sinners and Producers.

Written and graciously lived by….Donnie Norden

Come Sail Away with Me -My Book Three-soon to be released. Wait until you hear these stories.

Recommended reading of -The Glamour Tram Tour. All Aboard!