A Rock and Roll- Glamour Trammer
A huge fan of all things “Psycho”
In the Midnight Hour, I cry more, more ,more…
Madonna is a regular at Worldwide Studios, as is Billy. Whether it be at our famous music theater, Or just be banging around with Dick Tracy … better known as Warren Beatty.
He’s so vain, he probably thinks this story is about him…
Billy getting primed up with Demi Moore. Relax and get ripped…I’ll do the driving.
Mr. William Michael Albert Broad, otherwise known as Billy Idol and the Boys in the Band are on tour today.
Our tour journey begins at Tram Dispatch. Another day, another celebrity trolley tour. Tour dispatch sends out one their coolest guides… Stienbeck. He’s short and stocky and has a wit about him. He can feel the vibe of the tribe that presents itself to us. We always have fun together on trams. This trolley is like a very cozy get together that holds 16 folks max. Today, we have a big band in this…small club.
Last night, Steiner, as we affectionately call him, hit a homer. Not at Telly’s Bar, but at a softball field across from the studio. He is the captain of the tour guide baseball team. The team is predominantly female, male guides hardly join in. This is the studio tour’s version of…The Bad New Bears.
In a surprisingly close game against an all male Teamster line up, drivers prevailed 17 to 6. I never played with so many girls on a diamond. I shined in the outfield, making several great catches and throws. I’m very mobile, and am not afraid to get dirty-leaving an impression on the girls-I tour with. They know a stud when they see one just like I know a beautiful woman when I bang into her. They even smell different than guys as the scent of antiperspirant mixes with the perfume of the day.
The guys, well, they smell like booze. I get more hugs in this park than I do at our job across the street. Remember this, there is no “I” in team. These guides give it up…to the victors. Especially the non- married players. “I don’t feel married.”
Steiner and I arrive at the trolley at the same time from opposite corners. We were not told who our customers are. We sit waiting on the trolley parked in front of Miami Vice. I compliment him on his long ball last night, he packs quite a wallop. All involved last night lack sleep since the game started after 9 pm.
He jokes “to bad Crockett and Tubbs can’t fix us up with a bump!”
Everybody at this tour kinda parties hard, even our guests…showbiz in the 80’s
We have to do this one on muscle memory all though there is a driver named Kyle that delivers. He has a kush Stand -By Van assignment shuttling employees. You get in this luxurious Dodge Van in the morning. The van then ushers you off to wardrobe or one of many departments. Pick me ups are offered as soon as the sliding door on the van shuts. This van is like a mobile expresso machine.
Some employees never want to exit and drag this part of their day as long as possible.
A group of 6 wildly dressed Rock Stars head our way. Instantly, we recognize a white haired phenom …it’s Billy Idol and the boys in the band. We have seen them act at our music theater, today we take center stage. They are the opening band-Steiner and I close the show.
Jewelry like you would see in some monster movie dangles from every part of their body. They jingle and jangle as we introduce ourselves. “Do you got any specific places you wish to go” I ask? At the same time Steiner asks “Have you been on this tour before?”
Billy replies “The studio lot, yes. But the trams- No.” I counter, “Well, buckle up because we are going for a thrill ride!” The members start looking for their seat belts. I point out “it’s just an expression, there are no seat belts!” I shift into drive. We pull away from Miami Vice like we just got “bumped” with laughter.
As we pass behind the music theater a band is loading in. Trailers with lighting equipment are parked behind the huge load- in doors. Two very high end tour busses are parked side by side close by the red carpet of the artist entrance. “Been there, done that say our lead singer.” Steely Dan is here tonight” points out the power hitting tour guide Steiner.
I cough up “Bet you haven’t been inside a spaceship.” I pause. “Actually, maybe you have” as we get blasted in the face by liquid nitrogen.
This is the way we wake up…
This tour is private, like a Lear Jet, no stopping for the Lucille Ball make up demonstration. These guys know makeup better than Bud Westmore.
Is that you Billy?
We continue into the Art Gallery from Night Gallery. I figure they would like this place as we park inside this Art Exhibit.
Doesn’t get any darker than this tour…
I never thought I would view Rod’s Gallery with Rock Stars. They fit hand in hand with this display.
Where does the Art End and the Tour Start ???
So much cool stuff inside our property department. Gargoyles, Guillotines, and Sarcophagus eagerly try to trap you inside but, there is much more to- haunt your desires. We have only just begun to live!
As we continue on, we pass by Alfred Hitchcock’s famous bungalows in our produces offices area. These are old school Hollywood Bungalows. Ghosts live on this lot. They go back and forth to the exterior sets from their tiny but efficient writers offices. I tease the band. I say to everyone that we have the set from The Birds. We also have a spooky house on a hill, I’ll take you inside…From Psycho.
Steven Spielberg built Amblin down the road here and it is fit for a King. It has everything you could want to be creative. Nicest executive office on our lot, by far.
The thud you just heard was the Collapsing Bridge throwing around our little trolley. It was designed for big trams. I know how to time it just right to maximize the drop effect. If done correctly, the thud knocks the air out of your stomach, long enough to laugh after shrieking…
These guys picked the right tour for scary things…Kong is next up…
Our newest attraction is another monster to some, A Giant Ape to others or simply a Gentle Giant
As we go inside we offer up a truism, this is Michael Jackson’s favorite animation on the lot. Inside Kelly King is reporting from a helicopter, she shouts “Don’t Go Over that Confounded Bridge.” Too late now Kelly. With more liquid nitrogen pumped into our faces to disguise what’s next. I’m on that bridge Kelly was warning us about.
“Bridge looks fine to me Kelly, I’ve seen worse, we were just on a collapsing bridge.” What’s with these rides…
I feel like a Banana Split. Banana scent was added to Kong’s Growl. He breathes on you as he stares. Then he begins roughing us up. The Boys in the band love it so we do this 3 more times…A KONG ENCORE!
Such a fun animation, the best one in the park. We pass through the Red Sea, ending up in Transylvania. I park as we all set foot on Cobblestone roadways. Billy wants to piss so I direct them to a hidden bathroom. Hard to find because it is inside. Can you imagine standing up, taking a leak alongside a rock band that dress up like our Monsters do. “Hey, I think I know you” says a backlot “grip.” I sing a little and party a lot …
The fountain with four Flying Lions greets us in The Court of Miracles. This is one of our oldest props at the studio, every monster has spent time here, from Lugosi to Karloff.
From here we head through the old west and survive the Run Away Train. An interactive Train that is automated. I replaced the engineer in my trespassing days and acted out the “I can’t stop lip sync effect. I practiced acting in front of a never ending mobile stage. If security shows up I just play like a dummy. No talk no movement…I saw that once on Lucy.
Funnest trespass ever -Pretending I’m the engineer “I can’t Stop.” I can’t stop laughing that is.
Bridges seem dangerous on this tour but this dock has been here forever under several alias’s. Singapore Lake on original maps. PT 73 use to be anchored here. Then a shark moved in when Jaws blew doors off the box offices. But wait Cabot Cove Maine has annexed this Marina since Murder She Wrote is our number one series as we know “Get Attacked”
Four failed attempts by a man eating shark that depends on skilled mechanics to stay alive. Like an amphibious vehicle creature. High maintenance and temperamental, like so many other Hollywood Stars.
1313 Mockingbird Lane
Across from The Beavers House is a really nice family called The Munster House. Yes, we can go inside. I open the door slowly. This is just in case “Thing” is waiting under the interior stairs…The bang explores and looks out each window. Steiner says to me, “I hope no-one falls.” He points upstairs as the band gets dirty. I mean real dirt on their leather garments. “Well we warned them Steiner” They are on Marilyn’s scent, her long lost cousins. Eddie is in rehab I hear, good luck Little Munster fella.
Monster Mojo -Full Steam Ahead
We go up the hill slowly. Steiner builds up the story. He points out the original location at the base of the hill. “We moved it away from this area. The identity is hard to conceal. Shows prefer it not to be so recognizable.”
At this moment the house slowly comes into view, with the Bates Motel as our off ramp. Standing on the edge of the trolley, we stop to...lets the dogs loose. Rock Stars going every direction before we reunite at the Bates Motel Check In office. We walk up the famous stairway from the Motel to a home like no-other. Excitement like no other tour I’ve done. This is the featured song on our studio session album so to speak. The band has jewelry for every part of their body. I mean cool stuff, scorpions, spiders, snakes and skeletons. They are dressed for a show and Steiner and I our the vocals…Billy busy in a trance.
Probably writing a song in his head, he is the most quiet.
In the Midnight Hour I cry…More More More!
Well my friends before we enter, fact is-this place is haunted. By many creatures-she living some dead. Music is made by bull frogs, owls, coyotes, crickets, it’s a harmony in the dark under a full moon. Night tours are funner than daylight, you know where to find us. “Welcome to my home” as I enter first.
Inside, Outside, Upside Down is what is going on-The Band takes a picture with mother. She’s a rocker too as we kick start her rocking chair. This could be an album cover-it should be.
As we leave the residence, pure exuberance prevails. I see what gets these guys off, what they wear, what they prefer, the music they make. “Lets buy this place Billy!” is chanted as our tour comes to a conclusion after a confusing Ice Tunnel experience. Their heads were spinning at the Hitchcock House. Now they are spinning in the opposite direction. They are ready to be dropped off at a theater or haunted house near you. This all happened on the good old Glamour Tram Tour. “We’re Bad, We’re Nation Wide…see you on the next tour!”
All aboard!
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Stories written and lived by…Donnie Norden
Glamour Tram Stories 