No – This isn’t –The Rolling Stones, that’s not Mick Jager on stage or a British Invasion. This is the Vatican Invasion- starring Pope John Paul 11. On his World Tour, he visited us at our studio, Not to be confused with Led Zeppelin’s base guitarist.
This event stars Pope John Paul 11 and his “Miracle Tunes”…”I love you two, I hope you live forever!” says Pope John. So far so good on- that command…”Music truly does live FOREVER.”
Yes Kieth, this guitarist –Tony Melendez– stole the show. He has- no hands and arms. His cords are played with his toes…
Here is Kieth practicing away on Stage 12 at our studio while filming Pirates of the Caribbean. One of my favorite sets of –All Time!
Two “Complete UnKnowns”
1964 to now…Still a very popular Rolling Stone
Sixty Years of Glamour Tram Stories
“There are more Hazards at this studio/theme park than just choking“
Before Carl Laemmle, Sonny Werblin, and Lew Wasserman, God was in charge here…
God knows Talent Agents when he see’s them!
Sonny Werblin and Lew Wasserman- from the Pearly White Gates of God’s Kingdoms- to the…Black Tower.
Completed in 1964. Constructed of steel, black aluminum, glass and asbestos insulation. This is where scripts are read and careers are “made or broken.” No -Truer Words” This is also home of the H.R Department. This is the last stop saloon for ‘Work force Stars and Movie Stars!” We all exit the same gate. The Pope is coming with a heartfelt message for our hierarchy and all of Hollywood’s Money Trails.
Where Lankershim Blvd meets the 101 Freeway-Easy access. Have your money ready at Kiosk. Yes, our tour never stops running. Get a lifelong pass for cheap!-“Study the – Fine Print” written by lawyers with nothing better to do inside this Black Tower.
“Welcome- all Saintly One”- Two Knights meet a Saint. Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson “Spread Peace” on our lot prior to Pope John showing up with needed “Booster Shots”
Catholic Miracles exist…”Of Course we can fly!” That’s not why I’m here, Hollywood has been… Shameful”
“What Almighty has happened to this Hollywood?” asks the Pope…“Someone please answer me!” Please step up Sally…
“Please Stop Making Films Like this-Have You No Shame” is the Pope’s message. “I will burn your backlot down if need be!” a message from our Lord...Amen! Yes indeed -we had a massive fire soon after. The largest protest ever at this theme park took place on this release date.
God’s Wrath shut down the Tour this afternoon. I was there of course a bared witness to all seen and unseen as only a Catholic can do. A crowd bigger than Woodstock, hippies as far as you can see. A group of ‘Hell’s Angels” showed up on their “Steel Horses.” All entrances are blocked to access tour. God has interesting friends.
Sanctimoniously- we start our tale in the Teamster Driver Break-room. A typical poker game is taking place under a halo of thick cigarette smoke and burned out florescent lights. We can barely see the route map done in erasable ink through this tobacco haze. Normally, conversation involves hatred for Iris, our lead dispatcher, but most often it is about tour guides.
Guides looks, behavior, and abilities to give an interesting tour. Most drivers are male, some happily married, but most NOT!
This place is full of ...Temptations
We compare notes, each driver day dreams differently you see. We staff a few female drivers, some are lesbian, some swing, but all have- Class 1 Drivers Licenses. It seems as if our female drivers do not evaluate male tour guides as we do – the females. I think of it simply as quality control. Top drivers and Top Guides get V.I.P privileges.
The Flight Crew (Driver/Guide) becomes the stars in that category. Celebrities, dignitaries, rock stars, sports heroes, and mostly B and C rated actors or “has bins” are “our” captive audience. We give them the best tours we can, no rules on board our San Francisco trolley. Often, we get big tips.
Iris loves me, literally, my beach zip code and beach good looks spins him in circles on his stool. He always calls me to come over to his Tram Traffic Control Station, or TTCS as we know it. We often talk sports and tour guides. I’m sure he prefers the male guides while I lean opposite-“All Things Female.”
He lives vicariously through me, He puts in so many hours at this tour-he never feels the sun. We don’t think he even has a Class 1 license. One thing for sure-“He is the King.” Studio Operations love his feedback as he backstabs all the drivers that dislike him. He listens to Drivers Complain by secretly turning on the intercom. There is just a silent “HIM” on one end. There is pure dislike on the other end of this can and string.
He also uses this trick in our Unisex Locker room. I dress alongside Tricia, she’s pretty and has a college degree from Florida. She opens her locker only to hand me a Fredericks of Hollywood magazine. Tricia has a great day job here. Still, she leaves work for some “night shift “dressed to kill. If you are forced to watch a Teamster undress-there is none better at it than Tricia. We often flirt. It turns out he has heard some private conversations. He revealed his system. This happened after a friendly, private interaction. I was called into his office as I walked by in street clothes at the end of my shift.
Locker rooms were much different in the 80’s…Next door to us is the Dog Kennels fittingly!
He couldn’t stop laughing with his co-conspirator-Johnny. These two guys make about 250 k between them. They don’t even drive. Now they know The National Enquirer of cool tour stuff. In a short period of employment I have quickly climbed the ladder to-Tour Stardom. I am treated like a celebrity, thanks all to “the most hated office on the hilltop.”
Privilege never stops inside… Glamour Tram Dispatch
I am told about a top secret subject that I am being briefed on. The Pope, my Catholic Guru, is coming to the studio.
The Lord appeals to all!
Things are being figured out with the Union and Studio Operations. Our Shop Steward “Dennis” stands up for the Tram Driving Teamsters. The Vatican is interested in using one of our Glamour Trams as a parade route vehicle. The Pope is headed for iconic destinations in L.A. Dodger Stadium and the L.A Memorial Coliseum. His little Pope Mobile is too small for all the Secret Service.
“We would love to cram all this into just one vehicle- so the Secret Service is in same vehicle.” The Devil never stops planning so either do we!”
Now the question becomes- who can drive for this fleet of God Worshipers…
I’m Catholic and have Alter Boy Looks. If Dennis can put us at the wheel, another prayer of mine will be answered. Ira gives me the “Be Prepared” heads up. I will be thoroughly background checked, I’m warned. “I’ll show them my school pictures if they want to see a real good kid. I was kicked out of Catholic School for some good clean fun. “I hoisted a kid up a flagpole. His mom showed up as he was dangling high above the asphalt. I was just 12.” I left Catholic School with all the Sacraments achievable and a great education.
God has since forgiven me…He always does!
Teamster law is forthright and simple….like the 10 Commandments. Do not drive Studio Equipment, as per collective bargaining. This is required until authorized training of such vehicle is completed. The member must also be dues paying. So, A Clash of the Titans– between The Vatican and Studio Transportation is being smoothed out.
A deal is reached and Studio Teamsters are excluded. The Vatican does not want any of us near the Pope. “Go back to all your gambling, vices, lust, and large pay checks. We don’t want your Tour Guides either….”Amen- Yours Truly The Vatican.”
Only Dennis is involved. And that is for training the Operator who replaces are tram employees. Since this is “off lot” the Vatican dodges a Teamster Bullet. On the Studio lot- God was not physically there for these negations. But he had a hand in it for certain. I think I’m the only driver here that believes in God. That’s why I’m so happy all the time. The rest of the personnel sits complaining about everything under the stars.
Speaking of Stars
We lost this account, an act of God circumvented the Teamster 10 Commandments. But one thing is certain. Each day going onward will be filled with “Stars” from all over this galaxy and beyond. Always stay Holy, like the Hell’s Angels displayed in their protest, when in the company of …Sinners and Producers.
Written and graciously lived by….Donnie Norden
Come Sail Away with Me -My Book Three-soon to be released. Wait until you hear these stories.
Recommended reading of -The Glamour Tram Tour. All Aboard!
Glamour Tram Stories 